I need a frustrated looking icon....

I guess pouting Komu will have to do, but its more of a frustrated pout than a whiny one right now. After a week, I've finally gotten the update that my father has been moved back to the nursing home, that he mysteriously and magically improved after they told him he wasn't going to survive the night in the hospital. I don't know how he keeps doing this. I hate thinking that I want him to die, but he's been in this non-moving, non-speaking, can only blink his eyes and move his finger state for about 5 years. And yes he was terrible to me and abandoned me when I needed him and I really don't wish him to die out of spite, I'm really not that type of person, but how happy could a life like that be? I'm just frustrated with being on edge and going through the emotional exhaustion of expecting this moment to finally come and it just won't. I imagine that although he's improved enough to go back to the nursing home that he's still just barely hanging on. I don't know, since my brother won't talk to me.

Oh, my brother. What a fucking piece of work he is. His wife has been doing all the dirty work concerning my father for him, and apparently she said how frustrated with this she was to my mother while they were talking about my dad and his status. And my mom told him because he's exactly like my father. He's acting just like him, making her do everything because he doesn't want to deal with and would rather just live in denial that there's going to be some magical cure for ALS pulled out of someone's ass and my dad's going to get better. And my mom made a comment to her just comparing my brother to my father, "He abandoned his daughter just like he's abandoning his sister." She told him that I haven't done a thing to make them act this way towards me. And its true. I haven't done a fucking thing to them to make them treat me this way. Hell, my father thinks I'm the one abandoning him, except I was the one all these years who wrote him letters and tried to keep a little contact with him despite all the things he's done to me. Apparently my brother's wife gave some half-assed answer about "what must have happened to our relationship" and mentioned something about the time my dad's ex-girlfriend was in the picture and that must have been it. Ya know, or she could have had absolutely nothing to do with it at all. Take some responsibility for your actions, asshole. You're the one that hasn't talked to me in almost 8 years, not the other way around. Fuck, has it really been almost 8 years already? I guess so.

And with mention of my dad's ex-girlfriend, Linda the hell bitch spawn who actually tried to kill him, and when that didn't work took all his money and ran, it comes out that she is apparently still the main person on my dad's will to get everything with his estate. She ran about 7 years ago when she realized my dad wasn't going to die anytime soon. My dad just never changed his will, because he doesn't think he's going to die. His crackpot of a live-in nurse he had before he was moved to the nursing home a few weeks ago kept telling him they'd find a cure before he died. He's been swimming in that river in Egypt since he got diagnosed.

So my brother, or his wife, whichever, have been trying to make final arrangements still, so that is how I conclude that he's still not in the best of condition, and they said he said he wanted to be cremated, which goes against his religion. I'm not sure if its true for all Jewish people, but for him cremation is a huge no-no. The body has to be buried within 24 hours. I don't know how true this is, but my brother's wife said that for him to be cremated that all the next of kin and surviving family have to sign a paper saying that that is the decision so no one comes up later and said that wasn't right. Which means my mom (who was technically never divorced from him), me and my aunt have to sign this thing. My mom is refusing as she doesn't know what type of responsibility this will give her as next of kin (they've actually been separated 13 years, but through a whole bunch of other shit they never officially got divorced). I'm sure as hell not signing it, and they'd have to track down my aunt to sign it. I haven't seen her since my grandmother died... 15 years ago. Apparently my brother's having a hard time finding her too. Whatever, they aren't doing it without my mom and I signing it. I really don't even know how true it is that they need that, since my brother, like my father, likes to make up a lot of things as he goes.

I am just so frustrated and tired of this and I just want it all to be over. For everyone's sake.